Tuesday, June 22, 2010
fucked up shit, arrrrrgh
Everyone thinks that having your mom beside you while you are studying abroad is the best thing that could happen to them, well yes, I do agree up to an extent. If you are a lazy bum and love to see someone make you food, someone clean your mess wash and iron your clothes, etc. But that doesn’t count if your mom is living in your room or actually disturbing you so much that you can’t focus on your studies and is unable to work at all!
That’s my case. Well just 20% of it. She’s here, I love it, I’m happy. I am, really. But am I being selfish wanting a room of my own so that I can sleep at peace? Study and work at hours I feel like studying? Taking small breaks to watch series, eating food whenever I want? Taking naps after class and sleeping whenever I want and have no one else to nag me all the frikkin time? This is just a small idea of things I wish I had, which I don’t. The real list? we’ll it’s going to take me the whole night to write.
My friends say I’m talking all this crap because I miss spending time with my boyfriend. Well, they know too much about me. Atleast they think they do. I really should re-consider my circle of friends. Well who wouldn’t miss their boyfriends whom they were spending almost 24 hours with when they just suddenly go away? But is that all I’m worrying about? NO!
Nobody understands the living conditions I’m in, nobody understands how much I had to tolerate the past couple of months I’ve been living here, nobody ever will. The maggots, unwashed dishes, garbage smell, expenditures, shouting’s, migraines every night, lack of sleep, missing class, etc. That was one week back. But add my mom’s worries and shouting’s at me regarding every one of these things. How she can’t tolerate this place and how she can’t afford to get me a new place and how she is fighting with my brothers while they are asking her to reconsider since I can’t study and how bored she is when I go to college, how her plans are to consider staying with me in my room for the rest of my 3 years of degree and aaaaargggh. I don’t want to go through this hell for another 3 years!! It’s just been 3 days and its driving me nuts.
Who asked her to come here? I agreed cuz I’m a lazy bum and thought it would be frikkin easy for me, since she is coming in time for the exams that I wouldn’t have to worry about the food and everything else since she would be helping me. But the pain in my arse has worsened double to triple during this past week.
Seriously, if I’d ever be serious about suicide, at this rate I’d be doing it very soon.
And don’t fucking judge me cause u don’t know half the story of my tormented life!
That’s my case. Well just 20% of it. She’s here, I love it, I’m happy. I am, really. But am I being selfish wanting a room of my own so that I can sleep at peace? Study and work at hours I feel like studying? Taking small breaks to watch series, eating food whenever I want? Taking naps after class and sleeping whenever I want and have no one else to nag me all the frikkin time? This is just a small idea of things I wish I had, which I don’t. The real list? we’ll it’s going to take me the whole night to write.
My friends say I’m talking all this crap because I miss spending time with my boyfriend. Well, they know too much about me. Atleast they think they do. I really should re-consider my circle of friends. Well who wouldn’t miss their boyfriends whom they were spending almost 24 hours with when they just suddenly go away? But is that all I’m worrying about? NO!
Nobody understands the living conditions I’m in, nobody understands how much I had to tolerate the past couple of months I’ve been living here, nobody ever will. The maggots, unwashed dishes, garbage smell, expenditures, shouting’s, migraines every night, lack of sleep, missing class, etc. That was one week back. But add my mom’s worries and shouting’s at me regarding every one of these things. How she can’t tolerate this place and how she can’t afford to get me a new place and how she is fighting with my brothers while they are asking her to reconsider since I can’t study and how bored she is when I go to college, how her plans are to consider staying with me in my room for the rest of my 3 years of degree and aaaaargggh. I don’t want to go through this hell for another 3 years!! It’s just been 3 days and its driving me nuts.
Who asked her to come here? I agreed cuz I’m a lazy bum and thought it would be frikkin easy for me, since she is coming in time for the exams that I wouldn’t have to worry about the food and everything else since she would be helping me. But the pain in my arse has worsened double to triple during this past week.
Seriously, if I’d ever be serious about suicide, at this rate I’d be doing it very soon.
And don’t fucking judge me cause u don’t know half the story of my tormented life!
Labels: Anger, angry, Fucked Up, Mad, malaysia, Me, mom, shit, studies
outburst noted at 9:56 PM
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